Codependency has an on-going challenge for me for many years. I was eager to have an...
Henni
Addiction in Families
Living with addiction in any capacity effects our emotional growth. Adult Children of Alcoholics refers to these individuals as Para-alcoholics. Para-alcoholics represent the mannerisms and behaviors developed by living with an alcoholic or drug addict. As children, you took on the fear and denial of the addict without taking a drink. The roles which are usually present in alcoholic and dysfunctional homes have specific jobs. These jobs are:
| Family Roles | Their Jobs |
| The Chemical/ Behavioral Addict | Creating chaos to which everyone else reacts |
| Chief Enabler | Maintaining control at any cost by manipulating, covering up and compensating destructive behavior |
| The Family Hero | Making the family look good by being the honors student and successful child |
| The Lost Child | Being the person no one has to worry about, by being silent and invisible |
| The Scapegoat | Providing a “Dumping Ground” for the family’s anger. Enabling everyone else to feel superior by being the troubled one |
| The Mascot | Providing a diversion by affection and distraction |
Some roles allowed us to be the favorite child of the parent or the. These roles provided a sense of safety and structure while growing up. However, these roles tend to have a long life span. They can remain fixed in our personalities and show up in our adult relationships. This will cause problems in the present without our being conscious as to the reasons why.
Growing up in an addictive family leaves us feeling powerless. Without recovery, we, as adult children, find dysfunctional people and attempt to heal them or cure them based on our upbringing. We confuse intimacy with intensity. We create an unhealthy relationship with dependency.
To learn how to change your behavior in a relationship is a journey.